Eyes Half Closed

I want to scream. I want to release all of this hurt and frustration and disappointment that is filling up my insides with raw heat. I want to abandon all of my hope that the fairytale is out there for me because it hurts too much to believe in it anymore. I want to go numb and not feel anything anymore. I want to blank out and just work and focus on my kids. I don't want to feel anything anymore because I am tired. So very tired, it is exhausting being this tired. I have tried and tried and tried and I wish my heart had an on/off switch that would make my life a little easier to endure from day to day.

But since I have no mountain top to scream from or the ability to flip a switch and turn my emotions off I will have to endure as best as I can, as I have done always.

Breathe. I just need to remember to breathe. One breath at a time.