Dear Mama...

I had a wonderful conversation with my mother tonight. I was in the middle of doing homework and had the urge to talk to her. It's been a long time since I had a heart to heart talk with my mother. We were on the phone for an hour and a half talking about life, love and raising children. Go figure. Had someone told me ten years ago that I would be talking to my mother about love and raising children I would have laughed. Not because I don't believe she had anything to say but because I believed we would have a difference of opinion that would leave me upset and wondering why I had tried to talk to her in the first place.

We had actually saw eye to eye tonight. I believe she saw what I was feeling without me saying a word, that mother sense never goes away, it only enhances with time. That is why I treasure my mother. I had my children and began to understand the pain she felt while raising us. All of the hurt and pain she endured while raising us, and because she was raising us. The faith and love she put into a being that did not ever have her best interest at heart but her willingness to endure it anyway for the sake of her children. I see similarities within myself... Patterns that are running in the course of my life. I am grateful for my mother's wisdom and understanding to be able to encourage me through all of the bullshit and veiled undercurrents of people's motives...

Again, Beyonce's music has allowed myself to exhale and release all of that energy that does not belong to me. All of the misconceptions, misdirections, misdeeds, and misfires that aren't mine, that I will not own.

Shoshana and her sister took me out to dinner for my birthday. That in itself speaks volumes. Need I say more?

Never again, I told myself
Not ever would I allow my guard down
opening up for vulnerability
to knock me over.
Never again, I told myself
not ever would I allow others
to open up my senses
for misuse...
Love leaves you vulnerable
to battle scars unnumerable...
I looked away,
again and again
only hurting myself
by not being true to myself
and allowing myself to be happy
with me,
by myself.
You don't have to try so hard...
to allow others in
to be a part
of someone
else
who
obviously
isn't fully invested...