Love is a drug too...

I am constantly reflecting on myself and the choices I make in life but too many times I second guess myself - to my own detriment. A long time ago I fell in love and it was beautiful. I felt beautiful, I was happy. I was secure in my relationship. One miscommunication, one misunderstanding and it was over.

 Emotionally I checked into Heartbreak Hell. Roomed up for a couple of months until I met someone else. I stayed at a comfortable distance for a while until - BAM! - another mis-communication occurred with my first love. This time instead of diving back into my room at Heartbreak Hell, I dove head first completely into the new relationship. The result, my family began and I spent the better part of 8 years trying to convince my new love that I wouldn't leave him for my first love. The result: three handsome sons and severe emotional battle scars. That relationship ended nasty...

I take full responsibility for that outcome because I had not ever fully severed ties with my first love... I tried recreating that full blossoming feeling in my second relationship and, well, hence why it didn't work. It's like trying to train a cat to behave like a dog so you can have that companionship... it's not ever going to work.

That is what love does, it makes you feel like anything and everything is possible and nothing else exists but the two of you. And when you lose that it's like a pound of tnt exploded in your heart and all you want to do is recapture that wonderful, carefree, Godly feeling again - at any cost.

But the reality is, that is a rare thing to find - true love and once it's gone, it's gone...