One Day at a Time

Patience. I am learning patience. The more I resist, the more obstacles will appear for me to PRACTICE being patient. I get it. I understand the methods of lesson teaching. For some lessons anyway. Recognizing what is truly going on versus what appears on the surface. Insecurity layered with doubt, anger, fear. That's what I encountered tonight. Actually I have been encountering that for the better part of ten years but I didn't recognize it for what it was - I looked at it for what I WANTED it to be.

Tonight (technically last night because it is 12:08 in the a.m. as I type this) I broadcast my radio show as I usually do but the individual who was supposed to represent my better half stormed around the house yelling and carrying on like a five year-old throwing a temper tantrum. Because I am recognizing the behavior for what it is, I was able to curb my anger by the time I had reached the room where he was. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing and seeing the nature of what was occurring. Being angry because I am pursuing interests separate from him. Being angry because I am giving myself permission to LIVE outside of his existence. Being angry because I am giving myself permission to be ME. I learned (the hard way of course) that it is not my responsibility to appease his anger, especially when I did nothing to cause it. So here I am happily typing away after another successful broadcast of On Why Yet's Watch (this week Matthias Mr. 16 Bars joined me). Check out my wordpress blog to read about it!